Who or what is the mysterious Foundation? Discover all – well, some – of the answers – maybe – in this new series of web fiction from Aconyte Books. Read on, or download the full-colour, lavishly illustrated version on the download button below…
The Foundation Files
Budget Memoranda
To: Oliver Hollingsworth, Chair, Department of Inter-Agency Discretionary Funding
From: [REDACTED], Chief Financial Officer, The Foundation
Dear Mr Hollingsworth,
I am writing to follow up on our submission of Form 345-A2K, the request for immediate and expanded budget. Our current means simply do not meet the operational needs of this unit. I refer you to review our Form 345-A2K, and you will see that our supplies in everything from Category B2 to (most acutely) Category J5 are lacking.
The continued effective functioning of this organization depends on a reliable, adequate level of funding. Your prompt attention to this matter will be most appreciated.
Sincerely,
[REDACTED]
To: [REDACTED], Chief Financial Officer, The Foundation
From: Oliver Hollingsworth, Chair, Department of Inter-Agency Discretionary Funding
Dear [REDACTED],
Thank you for your memo of Tuesday last. Please believe me when I say that I fully understand your needs and am completely sympathetic to the pressures that fiscal restraint can cause.
Having said that, I hope that you, in turn, can understand that there are many demands placed on this department, all of them legitimate, yet there is only so much money to go around.
Upon reviewing your submitted forms, I am struck by the range of your requests. With all due respect, the simultaneous need for more desks and a larger arsenal of assault weapons is, not to put too fine a point on it, difficult to swallow.
This difficulty increases given that I can find very little (to put it mildly) paperwork providing records of your department’s accomplishments.
Since we cannot see what you have done, it is, I’m afraid, impossible for us to grant your budgetary request at this juncture.
I do, however, have some good news. We have several used desks salvaged from a school scheduled for demolition that we can send your way. Do please let me know what address would be most convenient for receipt of the shipment.
Sincerely,
Oliver Holllingsworth
To: Oliver Hollingsworth, Chair, Department of Inter-Agency Discretionary Funding
From: [REDACTED], Chief Financial Officer, The Foundation
Mr Hollingsworth,
If you were to see us at work, then we are not doing our jobs. The less you see of us – the less you are aware of the need for us – the better.
And the less I tell you, the better, as much as it may bruise the pride of the rulers of bureaucratic fiefdoms.
I am, to be honest, at a loss as to whether the shipment of battered, barely functional desks was meant as an insult or was the result of well-meaning but disturbingly spectacular ignorance. I shall grant you the benefit of the doubt and assume the latter.
But these desks merely underscore the immediate, pressing need that we be given full discretion over the spending of our budget, and the full resources of said budget to spend.
I trust I have made myself clear.
[REDACTED]
To: [REDACTED], Chief Financial Officer, The Foundation
From: Oliver Hollingsworth, Chair, Department of Inter-Agency Discretionary Funding
Dear [REDACTED],
Thank you for your last. I sense I must be honest in turn. Invisibility is a convenient excuse, but not a convincing reason. I could show you any number of budgetary submissions whose requests are completely out of proportion to the provable utility. I have only your word that your work is as important as it is secret. If I were to fulfill every such demand, I would not only be failing to live up to my responsibilities, but I could also be accused with justification of doing my level best to bankrupt the nation.
I do not wish for you to think this office is unreasonable or unwilling to listen. All we ask is that you provide concrete details that will allow us to properly measure your actual needs against practical fiscal realities.
Sincerely,
Oliver Hollingsworth
To: Oliver Hollingsworth, Chair, Department of Inter-Agency Discretionary Funding
From: [REDACTED], Chief Financial Officer, The Foundation
Mr Hollingsworth,
The Foundation does not explain its operations and procedures to those who do not need to know, and you do not need to know.
I will say this much. The scale of issues that we address far surpasses that of any other department. I will not ask you to conceive the nature of these issues as doing so would obviously be beyond the scope of your imagination, as well as being injurious to your person, and we shall not divulge the destruction it might have to your sanity.
If you were authorized to know and be capable of understanding these same issues, then I dare say you would see to it that our budget exceeds that of the Armed Forces.
Given that, I think our current request is more than reasonable.
[REDACTED]
To: [REDACTED], Chief Financial Officer, The Foundation
From: Oliver Hollingsworth, Chair, Department of Inter-Agency Discretionary Funding
Dear [REDACTED],
We are going in circles. You once again speak in hypotheticals. Vague, hyperbolic, and threatening ones at that. I really don’t think they are conducive to a productive exchange. Surely we can do without them?
I believe we are both practical people living in a practical world. Again, let me invite you to engage in practicalities. It would be so much more, well, practical for all concerned!
Why don’t we begin with a simple exercise? Just to get us both on the same page. My impression is that you consider your request for assault weapons to be a priority. Very well. Why don’t we try itemizing each weapon and show exactly what it needs to be used for?
Wouldn’t that be a useful start?
Sincerely,
Oliver Hollingsworth
To: Oliver Hollingsworth, Chair, Department of Inter-Agency Discretionary Funding
From: [REDACTED], Chief Financial Officer, The Foundation
You listen to me, you condescending upstart. If the situation should ever reach the point where you could see the practicalities, then the question of funding would be moot because it would all be too late.
I have had enough of your obstruction. I have had enough of you.
You will provide what we have requested. I advise against learning the consequences of doing otherwise.
[REDACTED]
To: [REDACTED], Chief Financial Officer, The Foundation
From: Oliver Hollingsworth, Chair, Department of Inter-Agency Discretionary Funding
Dear [REDACTED],
We appreciate your concern, and your dedication to the smooth functioning of your organization. This department, however, will not tolerate rudeness or threats.
It appears we have reached an impasse. I am sorry that we have not been able to reach a satisfactory conclusion regarding our correspondence.
You will have to make do with your current funding levels.
Please consider this matter closed. We will not be responding to any further communications from you.
We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sincerely,
Oliver Hollingsworth
To: [REDACTED], Chief Financial Officer, The Foundation
From: Oliver Hollingsworth, Chair, Department of Inter-Agency Discretionary Funding
Dear [REDACTED],
I hope this finds you well! I am following up after our last exchange to offer my deepest apologies! I cannot tell you how badly our wires were crossed! The misunderstandings were entirely my fault.
Recent events shown me how much we need you.
I am authorized to grant all your past funding requests. Do you need anything more? Is there anything at all we can do to assist?
Please tell me it isn’t too late!
I tried to
When they told me what had happened
I don’t understand how such things
You must help us.
In the name of all that is holy, you must help us. Oh God, please!
Your very humble servant,
Sincerely,
Oliver Hollingsworth
by David Annandale
