10.31.2026
With All Hallow’s Eve upon us, perchance you find yourself seeking tips from an experienced host on how to stage a haunted house that will have all your neighbors dying to take a look inside. Look no further than the expert advice contained within Dr. Dellaluna’s most recent editorial, published in Hidden Arts of the Hearth & Garden for discerning homeowners across Miskatonic County…
To celebrate the spooky season, Aconyte Books is pleased to present “How to Make Your Haunted House the Best on the Block,” a new Halloween treat from veteran Arkham Horror author Rosemary Jones.
Jones’s other works include the Visions & Nightmares trilogy, a collection of chilling Arkham Horror tales for the cinephile. She also penned The Nightmare Quest of April May and The Arcane Gamble of Harvey Walters, a duology of novels for the climactic Arkham Horror: The Card Game campaign expansion, The Drowned City. In addition, she scripted the very first Arkham Horror radio play, which debuted for Halloween of 2025.
Read the article as featured in Hidden Arts of the Hearth & Garden below, or download the illustrated PDF if you dare…
by Dr. Dorthea Dellaluna
If you fear everyone will pass by your house on Halloween, worry no more! With a few simple changes, you can make your home the most inviting haunted house in the neighborhood.
First, let’s address the exterior of your house. People won’t know if there’s a party inside if the driveway is a dark and gloomy stretch full of wet leaves and toadstools. Hang a few ghostly lights from the bare branches of the trees and place some jack o’lanterns on the porch. Set welcoming lights in the windows, especially those high attic ones so visible down the lane. The festive glow will lure people seeking a Halloween party straight to your front door.
Speaking of the visible portions of your home, make sure that all broken windows and sagging boards are safely covered up. You want to appear eerie but not derelict! Artfully draped spider webs and dead leaves look seasonal and can hide the biggest holes.
Remember, you want to turn your rooms into inviting nooks and crannies, full of delightful discoveries that draw your guests further into the house. Start with the foyer, where a bowl of fresh apples can add a wholesome touch and cover any lingering smells of mildew or mold. The ticking of the grandfather clock also creates an air of normality. Make sure your clock is wound tight and set to the right time. Your guests won’t want to miss the chimes heralding the midnight fun!
If the wallpaper is peeling inside, similar bunches and bouquets of leaves or dried flowers can help hide those patches. Shift around your decorative rugs to cover any unusually large spots or splatters on the polished wood floors. These simple changes will enhance the autumnal beauty of your distinguished interiors.
Once everyone is safely inside and no more people are coming up the drive, begin playing your phonograph. Your favorite dance melodies will excite their attention and draw them deeper into your home. A few bright young people may even start an impromptu waltz through the hallways, teasing each other about your old-fashioned taste in tunes. Saint-Saëns’ “Danse Macabre” is another unparalleled music choice for a Halloween night. There’s nothing like this musical poem from a previous century to inspire an otherworldly atmosphere.
With those dust sheets off the best parlor furniture, you can create a captivating room. Light every candle and make a fire in the fireplace. Be sure all the pictures are unveiled and easy to see. People are fascinated by portraits from the past, even that painting of you that you never liked! Your gold-framed artwork will incite their curiosity and encourage them to stay awhile in your now-cozy parlor. You want them to feel the warmth of the room, and not remember any chills encountered when they crossed the threshold.
Don’t forget to spruce up other spaces. A library can inspire guests to sample your tastes in literature, even enjoy the thrill of a particularly macabre novel or occult work. If you collect books about Arkham’s haunted past or your own house, be sure to have them prominently displayed on the library desk. With a little nudge, such as an artfully opened book, you will soon have your guests recounting ghost stories of the past and dismissing their shivers as caused by your delightfully spooky story collection.
Carefully placed mirrors can reflect the moonlight streaming through the windows. Don’t worry about polishing away all the dust and cobwebs from these surfaces. The tarnished silver of an antique mirror will turn even the most mundane reflection into a glimpse of another haunted world.
Even your dank basement can become enticing. Make it the perfect place for the guests to try a few sips of wine. Dust off those pre-Prohibition bottles, place them in strategic spots, and light a couple of lanterns. Center the heavy wood table with a few chairs around it. Maybe even add a box of playing cards to encourage a few simple games or the telling of fortunes. Now your once-dismal basement looks like a wine cellar rather than a morgue. They won’t be able to resist toppling down the stairs for a tipple!
However, you can leave those grubby attic bedrooms just as they were when the servants abandoned you. The mound of broken furniture, the cracks in the walls, and those pesky bloodstains will remind your guests of your home’s murderous past. Besides, once they reach the attics, they have ventured too far into the house to easily escape the rest of the fun.
When the clock chimes midnight, slam all the doors shut. Lock all the windows. Enjoy the screams and know you’ll never be lonely again. After all, Halloween is the perfect time to add a few more ghosts to your haunted house.
Editor’s note: The preceding article was penned by the good doctor and sent to us many months after her death. Famous for her practical jokes, she was completely acquitted of all wrongdoing following the incidents of last October. While we’d hoped to display Dr. Dellaluna’s own lovely home for this article, the photographer sent to her estate has not yet returned, hence the use of our photo archives.
Ghostwritten by Rosemary Jones
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